That’s the Worst Idea I’ve Ever Heard (This Week)! – Week of March 22nd-28th, 2012

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Okay, so this week has actually been pretty good to me, which is something of a double-edged sword in the world of snarking on pop culture. On the one hand, my already-shaken faith in humanity has gone relatively unharmed – but on the other hand, I don’t have a lot of A-game material. Still, this is Hollywood we’re talking about, and while there’s nothing this week on the level of, say, Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles or Sexy Modern Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, there’s still bad news coming out of Tinseltown, so let’s dive in!

1) Joel Kinnaman makes me suspicious that they’re going to try and make RoboCop sexy.
This one is more speculation, but I’m pretty sure the RoboCop remake is going to suck anyway, and the recent interview with star Joel Kinnaman didn’t make me a believer. Read it here, if you like. Apart from some pseudo-scientific rambling about the body having its own intelligence separate from the brain, the star of the remake mentions that the version of RoboCop that will be featured in the film is going to be “more human”. Namely, that the character’s visor will be see-through. Now, there’s a lot of room in this comment, but I can’t help but worry that this is a herald that the RoboCop we’re going to see is going to be a sexy, emotionally damaged RoboCop a la Twilight. His hints that the film is an “acting piece” also make me a little worried.
RoboCop is a fairly simple concept. Part man, part machine, all cop. Not too difficult, right? I read these changes as an attempt to wring unearned emotion out of the character – to try and make RoboCop sexy and angsty and woobie-like in an attempt to seal the 18-24 female demo.
And that idea is terrible.

2) They’re going to try and turn 1984 into a movie. Again.
1984 is one of those stories that I’m pretty sure is unfilmable for a number of reasons (though people seem to speak highly of the 1984 version with John Hurt). The structure of the story doesn’t lend itself well to a feature-length film – for heaven’s sake, the climax is one gigantic political debate between a guy strapped to a table and another guy who – er – isn’t strapped to a table. The ending is a complete downer, most of the characters are unlikeable, and I’m pretty sure the world would come off on film as more narmy than horrifying.  But that’s not stopping Ron Howard and Brian Grazer, who are planning on releasing an adaptation of the film in 2014. And they’re working with Shepard Fairey, the artist behind the Hope poster of Barack Obama? So…awesome, I guess?
Honestly, this just seems like a bad idea to me because of the nature of the source material. Maybe Ron Howard can throw enough money at it to make it work, though.

3) They’re making a sequel to Anchorman.
Let me be perfectly clear, Anchorman is one of my favorite comedies of all time. I love how weird and absurd it is, I love how much everyone commits to their wacky roles, and I love that the climax involves a dog negotiating with a bear. Anchorman is awesome, I cannot be any clearer about that.
But does it really need a sequel?
I mean, granted, Will Farrell, Steve Carrel, and Paul Rudd are all on board to come back, and they’re a funny bunch of guys, but I’m just not certain that a sequel to Anchorman will be anything other than redundant. I’m worried that this sequel will be “all of the jokes of the first one, but in the ‘80s! And Ron Burgundy will have wacky ‘80s hair!” Maybe that’s just me, and how cynical I’ve become of comedy sequels recently, though. Honestly, this one could go either way, and any other week it wouldn’t even come close to making the list, but this has been a really slow news week.

And the winner this week is…Sexy RoboCop, I guess? Joel Kinnaman, you win a lukewarm bowl of tapioca pudding, in honor of the levels of apathy you’ve managed to elict from me. Use it wisely.

I suppose that’s all for now! Hopefully next week will be, if not better than this one, at least more interesting. Good luck out there, folks!

Inevitable Winner from Next Week: Michael Bay attached to direct live-action adaptation of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Rosie Huntington-Whately attached to play Twilight Sparkle, Vanessa Hudgens in talks to play Pinkie Pie.



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