People On The Internet Who Need To Get A Life

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The internet is full of people who we would all like to see leave. I try not to let them get to me, but some days I just want to reach through the screen and wring their necks. Not just because they had the temerity to waste my day with their poor judgment, also because they are wasting valuable bandwidth that should be reserved for more important things, like sharing your high score on “Words With Friends”.

The first group of people who need to get a life on the internet are those annoying Amazon reviewers who start their reviews with “I haven't read this book but...” then proceed to discuss how the book marginalizes their life by casting aspersions on their politics, religion, sexuality or whatever particular pet cause the book is against. You didn't read the book! You are not going to buy the book! Why does it matter? Besides, no one is going to read your lousy one star review of a book you didn't read. Well, except for me, but I don't have a life. Yet, you don't see me wasting it by writing one star reviews of books I have never read.

Next up are the people who bitch about certain types of computers and or technology. Give that flame war a rest already. You don't like Apple or Microsoft or Dell. Whatever. What those companies did to you to cause such a deep hatred of them is probably something you need to discuss in therapy. Not in some stupid forum or in the comments section of my favorite tech blog. Also, all of you who love your iPhone or Android or Blackberry? I don't care. It's a phone. If you have a Windows phone and you love it, I just feel pity for you. Get a real phone.

Ninety nine percent of all celebrity Twitter feeds need to go. I get it. You are a celebrity. I could really give a shit about whatever random thought just floated through your vacuous mind. Those 140 characters should be used for something important. If I wanted to read the random thoughts of self absorbed ego balloons, I can read my own tweets. Political Twitter feeds gotta go, too. Most political tweets are just as dumb as celebrity tweets with added knowledge that these meatheads make our laws.

People who use internet memes that were outdated five years ago need to get a life. “All your base” was funny for like five minutes so was “rick rolling”. Now it's just sad. I understand that you are still connecting to the internets with your 56.6k modem, but that is not an excuse for using stupid memes that might have had relevance in the previous decade.

I am sure there are other people who are annoying that I am missing. To all those people, ask yourself before you post, “Am I adding something valuable to the internets?” and you honestly think you are, then please, for my mental health, don't post it.


  1. Robinmarie Vabolis8:24 PM

    Good rant! I am certainly guilty of public computer snobbery. And ridiculously proud of it. Lol.

  2. Anonymous8:36 PM

    You go Jay!! I totally agree with you! I don't use Twitter for that reason...too much useless crap on it. I can get the info I want in other (better) places!!

  3. ***** - I've yet to read this post, but I am a dear friend of the author and know his feelings on this topic are extremely relavant and insightful.

    plus here is the link to my favorite Tokyo Trooper Roll video: it's a scream.

  4. Dakota H.9:48 PM

    IT is good to rant sometimes, and i totally agree with you.ESPECIALLY with the amazon reviews

  5. Robin; I love my Macbook and I get a little snobby once in a while.

  6. Wait...I'm supposed to post interesting things on the Internets?! Why didn't anyone tell me? :D


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