The World According to Michele Bachmann

Monday, July 11, 2011

I’ve been pondering a blog about Michele Bachmann for quite awhile. I think it’s important that a woman take her on here, because men who oppose her could be seen as being sexist.
The problem is that there are so many things you could talk about when it comes to her. Would it be that she was married because she was ordered to do so in a vision and claims she is acting under orders from God himself? Would it be that she believes that global warming is “voodoo, nonsense, hokum and a hoax” (crooks and liars).
What really struck me is hearing that she recently signed a marriage and family document that refers back to the ‘good ole days’ (my inflection) of slavery when more black children were raised by two parent families than they are today under Obama. Never mind the fact that most children then were torn apart from their parents early, sold away and sometimes (though we don’t like talking about this in America) fathered by their white owners.
Here is a glimpse into the world we should be living in, according to Michele Bachmann:
  • · Young children would not be in preschool. Despite the fact it has been proven over and over to increase their likelihood of completing secondary and post-secondary education, preschoolers should instead be kept at home and forced to read the bible. It also gives you an opportunity to give them an early education on avoiding ‘the gay’. ‘The gay’ is a big thing in Michelle’s world.
  • · Your teenager could no longer get an abortion on the way home from middle school. Michele opposes Planned Parenthood because, in her mind, young teens could leave school, go get a pregnancy test, be aborted by a group of more than likely gay doctors, and hop on the school bus home before mom and dad know what happened.
  • · God told her personally he does not like ‘the gays’. In Michele’s world we would cure all gay people from their gayness (her husband’s clinic does this sort of thing). He encourages parents to discipline their children for any kind of gay behavior. Have you seen this man? It takes about two seconds of listening to him to begin wondering if this is a major case of physician, heal thyself.
  • · We would not pay taxes. Taxes are a federal form of slavery according to Michele. I am not certain exactly how we would continue to fund her current $250,000 income on farm subsidies or continue to support her husband’s clinic with tax dollars so he can help un-crazy people by ridding them of sin…but that’s a minor issue.
  • · Social Security and Medicare would go away, because according to Michele they are “unfunded liabilities”. I know you THINK you have been paying into them with every paycheck you have ever received since you first worked at the hot dog shack as a 15 year old, but I am here to tell you that Michele says that is not true.
  • · We would no longer spend money on the census. The census is not really used to determine who is living in each state so that they are properly represented, silly people. It is used so that the government can set up FEMA Concentration Camps. They’re all the rage, apparently, in Michele’s world. I’m not sure why the government wants us to live in them, but I’ll bet it has something to do with gay people.
  • · There would be no Broadway. I know you think the Lion King was really a wonderful Disney movie and theatrical production that promoted family and the circle of life, but it was really propaganda for gayness since the music was written by a gay person, who, according to Michele was really saying “I’m better because I’m gay”.
  • · We would not be paid for work. Abolishing minimum wages means ‘everyone could work’ because everyone would be offered jobs if the people hiring them could choose to pay them whatever they wanted….like nothing maybe….Come on, America, you don’t really need to pay for silly things like preschool (devils work) or carbon dioxide prevention (it’s a natural thing…why do we hate it so much?).
  • · There would be no reason to spend money on cancer treatment. People suffering from cancer are suffering from sin, which everyone knows. There is little reason to spend money on silly things like treatment and research for cancer prevention when a little confession time would tie up the whole thing nicely.
Here is what frightens me right down to my core: people are taking this woman SERIOUSLY. She is considered a potential front-runner for the Republican nomination for President. Now I would love to believe I live in a world in which having her oppose Barack Obama would mean even members of the AB would be rushing the polls to vote for the man, but this is becoming a country I am not always certain I understand any more. The idea that we could even seriously consider this woman for anything other than ‘crazy church lady’ baffles me. A lot. Before anyone even considers taking this woman seriously spend about, oh, two seconds researching what she has actually said. Just the information she has said about our own history is alarming (did you know John Q Adams fought against slavery in the Revolutionary War…even though he was 9 at the time? Study your history, people!)
Then again, if you get your information from the internet, I’m pretty sure Michele would tell you Satan rules the internet anyway. Or gays. I’m pretty sure God told her so.
Sources: Crooks and Liars,,


  1. She's a nut job who makes Sarah Palin look smart and relevant. I don't get how she's getting any serious traction.

  2. The Northwest Passage

    I realize the linked article has no validity because it is located on the internet and from Wikipedia, but it seems marginally relavant.


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