In Which The Author Tries To Convince Himself Of Something

Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Almost Time To Blossom BW
Note: I am posting this here, but I have started another blog called Sad, Manic & Awake where I will post about all things related to to dealing with mental illness. 
I am trying to convince myself that my current state of being is not a product of the psycho-pharmaceutical cocktail I am currently on. At the same time I am pretty sure it is a factor.

When I had reached the end of my rope two years ago and decided to go back on meds to treat my mental illness, I remember getting a lot of 'useful' information from some of my more holistically minded friends. If I could find an herbal or over the counter treatment for bipolar disorder that worked, I assure I would have used it. It is, however, like being diabetic.

You can go untreated, trying to manage your blood sugar without insulin, but sooner or later, your blood sugars will spike (or bottom out) and you will need more than a sandwich or a glass of orange juice to help you out. Same thing for mental illness. What sucks, more often than not you have to go through a rigorous process of trying to get the right combination of drugs. Your life becomes a series of ups and downs, blood tests and med checks.

I tried to will myself to be better. To not be overwhelmed by anxiety. To not freak out. To get some sleep. To get out of bed. To be more productive. To have more focused productivity. Sadly, The Secret didn't work for me. After one year of the worst prolonged depression I have ever suffered from, I cried 'UNCLE!' and went back to the psychiatrist.

After two years of hunt and peck, we (and I say we, because in mental health issues as with all health issues, you must be your own and best advocate) may have found the right combination of drugs to keep me on and even keel. Which brings me back to the question, is this really me? Or am I just a good combination of drugs? I like how I feel right now. Maybe that's all that's important.

Cross Posted at Sad, Manic and Awake

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