On Meltdowns and Personal Growth

Thursday, February 10, 2011
Left Turn Multiple ExposureAlmost exactly a year ago, I had a meltdown in my life. I started by deleting some of my social networking accounts. I very nearly deleted this blog. I won't go into the details about what was going on, but I was in a pretty poor emotional state. Feeling sorry for myself didn't help very much either.

Lately I have been feeling very much the same way, and yes, I am still feeling sorry for myself.  You know, that terminal uniqueness bullshit. I know I am not the only bi-polar person in the world. I also know I am not the only person who is suffering from social anxiety disorder, although some days it feels like it. That's the insidious nature of mental illness. It has a way of convincing you that you are the only person who feels this way. Which is why I kept blogging1, to let the world know that you can function even if you are feeling like the most fucked up person in the world.

I have come to realize however that this place, this blog, has become more than just a place that I can come and whine about how hard it is to be me. It has become a place I can express myself. I have also come to realize that I am not that insecure about what I write here.

Sure, it might be average poetry and simplistic photography2, but some people read it. Some people even respond. That has been a saving grace3. I guess what I am saying, thanks everyone. I appreciate your readership and support. Hopefully I can keep the whining to a minimum as time goes on. These "poor me" blog posts probably won't go away entirely. I got to keep you on your toes.

1. If you want to read some sad bastard middle aged man emo poetry, check this shit out from last year. Whew, if that's not a cry for help I don't know what is.
2. I think average poetry and simplistic photography is a worse insult then being call a bad writer or shooter. Most people won't tell you if you are the worst ever. They just nod politely, humoring you as if you are an escaped mental patient. When someone says "meh" when it comes to your work, that hurts. Some days I want to aspire to be the worst writer and photographer ever. Hey, it's a goal. And goals are important.
3. The biggest saving grace in my life my dear wife. She is the most patient and understanding woman in the whole wide world. Kisses my love.

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