No one is to blame - Or an open letter to my family

Monday, February 28, 2011
Middle And Strawberry Peaks In Clouds
My nightmares are ever there.
Holding court in the darkness of my prideful soul.
I can not mount a sufficient defense for my behalf.
They call for the old 8mm films to be displayed, grainy and washed out in green.
Moving pictures accusations of a child's weakness.
Perched on a fence, wanting to please them.
Knowing that I never could.

I wasn't born a bad seed, but I became one.
I cast myself out because I couldn't bear to see their looks
I don't feel guilty about finding my truth
I feel guilty that I couldn't verbalize it better.

My disappointment ever reflected in my words
My search for "WHY?" only yielding distance
Where I could only shout into the winds
Sure we all create our own walls
But I did give them some of my bricks.
My real world was dependent on no one looking behind the curtain
Where the insecure nine year old me controls the emotional rudder

I wasn't born apart, but I found separation
I danced my coast not for salvation
I traveled to hide from their love
I was lost because that's what I thought I deserved

1 comment :

  1. Sometimes bad seeds were just planted in bad soil. And everyone always thinks it's the seed...when we all know it's always been the soil. One of my favorite poems talks about planting your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...so I suppose sometimes you need to just take your metaphorical seed to a new place, re plant it, and let it bloom.

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