Help Help I'm Being Unfriended

Monday, December 06, 2010
Fog On The ButteI admit it, in the past I was a "friend-ing" whore, desperately friend-ing people that had the remotest thing in common with me. Hoping that they would would respond to my friend request and above all, leave a comment or like one of my inane utterances.

When a post was left blowing in the virtual wind, all alone with no comments, I took it personally. As if the lack of response was a indictment of my own worth in this world. I have always maintained being ignored by the cool kids is far worse than being teased by them1.

Social networking is just like real life. You need to be selective about who you let in the sphere that is your life. The difficult thing in the virtual world is that you never really know what kind of person you are inviting into your world. If you already have "boundary issues", you are likely to bring those issues online with you. Worse, you might attract others with boundary issues into your life.

I guess my first two years of being online have been a learning experience. I have noted before that while I have been online since the earliest days of ISP's, dial up modems and text based browsers, I have never joined in, that is, I have never created stuff to "share" with the world. In that respect, the last two years have been fulfilling.

As part of my life as a newbie in the online social world, I have discovered quite a few things. One, I tend to un-friend people who I have very little in common with. It may take a while before I realize this, but once I do, off the friends list they go. It's really nothing personal.

There are those people who are just flat out bat shit crazy. They get dumped in a hurry. I have a enough crazy in my life (usually of my own making) without letting some random person on the internet add to the chaos that is my life.

All the other stuff that goes on out there in the virtual social world I have learned to live with2. One thing I decided I would do, for my own peace of mind was to be more active in engaging with my online friends. I would take the time to read their blogs, comment on their pictures, like their FB posts and respond to their plurks.

Maybe I have figured out that my online life, like my real life, is not all about me.

1.) This explains my adopting a class clown persona. Not just to tease the cool kids, but to attract their attention.
2.) Maybe I should write another blog post; Things that happen on social networks that make me uncomfortable.
This is blog post 140 for 2010. Only 1 more to match last years output. 


  1. Diane9:25 PM

    I'll admit that on FB...I just don't pay enough attention to un-friend anyone here. I flit in and out and mostly play games. Lame.
    But on my other site...I have been studiously going through those and un-friending anyone who is not active. It gets crazy..when you find yourself with 200 friends, most of whom have dropped off the planet and you didn't notice the real don't KNOW them at all!
    It's a crazy world, isn't it?

  2. This is an excellent post, Jay!
    The virtual world is amazing. In good and in bad ways.
    When I read the beginning of your post, I was saying to myself "Hey that is me! How did he know?"
    I have to admit. I do take things that are being said online far too personal. I don't even know these people, but yet I let them rule my emotions?
    It's always good to take a step back and reflect on yourself again.

  3. Great post jay!
    Started by being a little self-ironic amazed over that I started with being online as co-admin on a BBS (dial up), dropped social netverking but lived with a computernerd for 20 y and still knows so little about computers.
    When comming into plurk i first was so greatful to be asked for friendship (didn't dare to ask myself) that I accepted all. Then got very selective (yes, you're one of the few i accepted in such a period) & after that it gone in waves.
    Noticed that everytime i get work i start cleaning list, even if i'm keeping a bunch out of sentimentaly. Good that since one I thought was gone forewer returned. But, i admit i'm slow to unfriend, to slow probably considering far from all still on chat back :-/ Talking about that i have to say you're amazing in keeping in tuch! *hugs*


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