Five things that need to go away in the next decade

Wednesday, December 22, 2010
1. Cooking Competition shows and by association Food Network
The Infamous Kwanzaa Cake - Google it, you know you want too
I admit that I watch Top Chef, Iron Chef and The Next Iron Chef. They are pretty much the cream of the crop. As an aside, this seasons Top Chef All Stars is great. Of course, if you can't make dramatic reality television by bringing by in the most controversial non winners from previous seasons, then maybe your show has run it's course.

I have a special place of loathing for Food Network lately. I don't watch the early morning stuff, which are actual cooking shows, but when I turn it on at night, I am greeted by Guy Fieri looking like he just stepped out of a hair band video in 1986. Is every show on the network in the evening some kind of competition show or low rent travel/food show?

The only show left worth watching on Food Network is Good Eats, but I am sure if Food Network closed it's doors, Alton Brown would find somewhere to air his show. It worked out okay for Tony and Mario1.

One other thing, and this goes for all the food competition shows. The next time you edit in a contestant saying 'If I go home for not cooking [insert food of choice here], I will really be [angry, pissed, upset, etc.]', I swear I am going to hunt you down and make you eat Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa Cake.

2. Global Warming Skeptics
Don't believe in Global Warming? Are you a meteorologist or climate scientist? No? Then STFU. That it all.
3, 4 and 5 after the jump
3. Anybody who is complaining that they aren't getting a bonus or a raise, in particular anyone working on Wall Street.
It's a recession. Right now unemployment is at 10% or so. It is not likely to go down anytime soon. I haven't had a raise since I started working at my current job, but you know what? I could be out of work.

If you can't get by with your measly $450,000.00 without a bonus, maybe you should hire a financial counselor rather than whine about it.

Oh yeah, if you are pissed that we (see anyone making less than $250,000.00) would like to see your taxes raised? It isn't a class war, but we can make it one if you want.

4. The Persecuted Christian Meme
Why, exactly, do Christians in the US think they are being persecuted? Every little thing that vaguely seems to be anti-christian to them suddenly becomes more evidence that the world is against them.

I suppose that if you are constantly sitting around waiting for the end of the world, then everything is going to be scary. Muslims, Hollywood, the Gays and black presidents  all seem to be taking their toll on white christian America.

Christians, the world is not ending (yet)2 and the government is not infringing on your religious freedoms. Muslims aren't trying to 'inflict Sharia Law' on you. Being gay is not contagious. Hollywood is not trying to brainwash your children into be gay marrying, parent hating, nazi evolutionist communist jihadi terrorists.

Come out from under that rock and look around. It's not so bad out here.

5. Glenn Beck
Not Fox News. Not any of the other right wing radio broadcasters. Just Beck. Let's be clear, Beck must be making the people who put him on the air money, or else he wouldn't be on the air. So if Mr. Beck is off the air in 2020? Well, hopefully that means people have stopped listening to his patent medicine spiel.

Stephen Colbert invented the word 'truthiness' to describe what pundits do. If they say something that feels true, then it must be true. Glenn Beck has taken this to new and unbelievable heights.

Much of his song and dance is directly from the John Birchers of the 50's. You know, the one who thought Eisenhower was a commie. His favorite author Cleon Skousen was too crazy even for the most conservative folks.

I don't begrudge anybody making a few bucks, but getting rich on the souls of your fan base is pretty sad. If you love Glenn Beck and think he is a prophet, then nothing I say here is going to make a difference. I am not sure I can take another decade of Beck. If he isn't on my 2020 list, I will be a very, very happy man.

1.) I would argue that Mario never needed Food Network. Anybody that talented would become a celebrity chef just on the strength of their food, restaurants and cookbooks.
2.) The sad fact is that the new theology of use it or lose it, makes the end of the world a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Update: Someone emailed me and wanted to know what I meant by use it or lose it theology. Generally, I am talking about Dominion Theology, taken from Genesis 1:28 "... and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." Here is an article expanding on this.


  1. Don't agree on nr 1 since such shows given me ideas and..the sadist in me just loooove to see them stressed out or getting yelled at ;-/
    But otherwise (well trust you on nr 5) i completly agree.

  2. Good picks, especially 2, 4 and 5. Sadly, in regards to Mr. Beck, as long as there are xenophobic idiots, there will people who pander and make money off of them.

  3. I totally agree with your picks...though I will admit that while Guy Fieri looks like Ann Burrell's secret love child or clone....I do like watching DDD. Seriously, Guy, are you going to stay with that look forever? Isn't it time to move on just a little bit?


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